Saturday, 12 June 2010

Englaaaaaaaaaand!! something I can hear some teenage kiddies yelling outside my house, as I type this epistle.


Fellow blogger Steve left a hilarious update/comment on his Facebook page: "Hey footie fans - you can shove the World Cup up your arse". My sentiments exactly. Although from my own point of view, this might actually be quite a pleasurable experience, difficult though it may be to accommodate the whole of the cup into my, erm, nether regions. On second thoughts, forget that one.

Yes, I am not, and never have been:

1) A footie fan
2) Particularly bothered about the World Cup.

So there.

I think it all goes back to school really, where I was never particularly good at or bothered about sport, football and rugby chiefly. I used to hate team sports of this kind and would do anything to avoid getting involved. I'll never forget my sports teacher at Secondary school, Mr Willis, yelling: "Johnson! You're supposed to be running towards the rugby ball, not away from it!" From thereon it all went pear-shaped.

Back to the here and now...The abundance of cars with England flags a fluttering, driving up and down roads and tooting their horns, is already starting to grate. I went for a haircut earlier today and my barber had a huge St George's flag hung on the wall of his "salon", so no prizes for guessing who he'll be rooting for tonight. He then proceeded to subject me to a grilling as to why I wasn't watching the World Cup, why I wasn't a fan etc, etc. Grrr! The biggest consolation of having to deal with all of this was walking out of his shop with a very good haircut for a mere £7. Maybe I should take some ear plugs next time.

Okay, I'll concede to a certain amount of patriotism and if I was forced to make a choice, of course I'd want my own country to win. Then again I'm married to a Brazilian, so I'm kind of torn between two camps here. Divorce might be on the cards if I say the wrong thing. And you don't have to be a footballing expert to know that the Latino boys are far more likely to walk away with the trophy than us pale islanders...

Plus, there is of course the sexy factor. One can't deny the appeal of men in shorts and men with decent bodies (if you're a woman or gay man, I should add). So for purely gratuitous purposes and as a kind of "fingers up cos I don't care" gesture towards the World Cup, here's a few footballing hotties for you to drool over. They can come and play with my ball(s) any time. I couldn't even be bothered to check their names, so I'll leave that bit to you...Yes, so in my last post I was bemoaning the fact that it was morally wrong for Matt Smith to get his kit off in Dr Who, but this is a different matter entirely, surely? Isn't it...??


  1. I was totally crap at foorball at school. Always the last to be picked for a team. Though weirdly, once I'd left school and my confidence had improved so did my football skills. Rugby however I was and am still terrifyingly bad at. I think what I hate most about the World Cup is that England expects everyone to talk about it and to give a shit. I really, really don't. Hmm. May have to write a post about that.

  2. at least u folks have a reason to be cheering teams on! Everyone here is into the World Cup, yet hello, CANADA did not even qualify to be in it!!!!!